Feeling Blue

Feeling a bit like shit (excuse my french). 

I am feeling tired and really low today. I am also loosing my mojo with weight loss today and feeling like it’s a very long uphill battle that I am not strong enough for. 

It’s silly really, the first week of following weight watchers and sticking to plan I managed to loose 4lb which I was really happy with. This week I have been doing more walking but found the food side of things harder. 

My husband works a long way from home and the hours he works means he is often home rather late and I end up losing my mojo for cooking. Meaning I get lazy and don’t bother cooking proper meals. This is my own battle.  But the other thing is that we end up eating really late which isn’t great either! 

Maybe I need to try and get into the habit of having my dinner at 6 and reheating his tea. But then it’s not exactly fair for him to always have left overs. It’s a battle also due to the fact that I like eating with him and eating dinner on my own is a rather lonely thought! 

This week we are looking after another dog so walking him twice a day has been great and given me a good reason to have to go out walking making that easier. Though today I felt like I had to force myself out of bed in the morning let alone out the front door for a walk. Just an all round low day I suppose.

Work wise it has been good. Got lots of work done which is positive but that has meant a lot of time sat in front of my computer which can be very lonely work. 

Feeling just generally low and pathetic and rather gross but Alan has been great this evening trying to encourage me with how well I have been doing and the difference he has seen. But more than this, he said to me that I need to learn to face one battle at a time. I have a habit of letting everything get to me and worrying about so many things all at once that I end up drowning. 

We have a house to sell

We have a house to build

I have my freelance work

I have my other work

I want a dog

We want kids

I want to loose weight

I want to improve my joints and fitness

We are trying to live in two places at once

We have work to do to the caravan

We really need to be saving money

I feel fat and hideous

I feel I am not good enough for him 

I feel bad that sometimes I dont manage to wake alan up as early as he wants for work.

I worry Alan isn’t happy

I worry there is more I should be doing 

All of these in one go is too much for my little head to handle at once. A lot of it is stupid to worry about as it’s just self depreciating and other things are out of my control or not a concern for a few more months. I need to pick my battle and that, for the time being, needs to be the weight loss and fitness as in theory that is what will help to improve my mental health, self esteem and life in general. 

But it is bloody hard and today I wish things were different. 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s