Feeling Blue

Feeling a bit like shit (excuse my french). 

I am feeling tired and really low today. I am also loosing my mojo with weight loss today and feeling like it’s a very long uphill battle that I am not strong enough for. 

It’s silly really, the first week of following weight watchers and sticking to plan I managed to loose 4lb which I was really happy with. This week I have been doing more walking but found the food side of things harder. 

My husband works a long way from home and the hours he works means he is often home rather late and I end up losing my mojo for cooking. Meaning I get lazy and don’t bother cooking proper meals. This is my own battle.  But the other thing is that we end up eating really late which isn’t great either! 

Maybe I need to try and get into the habit of having my dinner at 6 and reheating his tea. But then it’s not exactly fair for him to always have left overs. It’s a battle also due to the fact that I like eating with him and eating dinner on my own is a rather lonely thought! 

This week we are looking after another dog so walking him twice a day has been great and given me a good reason to have to go out walking making that easier. Though today I felt like I had to force myself out of bed in the morning let alone out the front door for a walk. Just an all round low day I suppose.

Work wise it has been good. Got lots of work done which is positive but that has meant a lot of time sat in front of my computer which can be very lonely work. 

Feeling just generally low and pathetic and rather gross but Alan has been great this evening trying to encourage me with how well I have been doing and the difference he has seen. But more than this, he said to me that I need to learn to face one battle at a time. I have a habit of letting everything get to me and worrying about so many things all at once that I end up drowning. 

We have a house to sell

We have a house to build

I have my freelance work

I have my other work

I want a dog

We want kids

I want to loose weight

I want to improve my joints and fitness

We are trying to live in two places at once

We have work to do to the caravan

We really need to be saving money

I feel fat and hideous

I feel I am not good enough for him 

I feel bad that sometimes I dont manage to wake alan up as early as he wants for work.

I worry Alan isn’t happy

I worry there is more I should be doing 

All of these in one go is too much for my little head to handle at once. A lot of it is stupid to worry about as it’s just self depreciating and other things are out of my control or not a concern for a few more months. I need to pick my battle and that, for the time being, needs to be the weight loss and fitness as in theory that is what will help to improve my mental health, self esteem and life in general. 

But it is bloody hard and today I wish things were different. 

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I Love This Place

There are many great things in life and things I am grateful for, even though I may struggle with feeling happy all the time and fighting self doubt I can’t help but love life when I get to wake up to a view like this…

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And though I used to fight against any washing up as a kid who can complain when you get to wash up with this view….

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Even though we are still struggling to sell our house it is still nice to see this view and think of the future and what will be our dream home and the start of the rest of our lives. I really can’t wait to see things start happening.

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As I have just mentioned, we have still had no success with the sale of our house, this is beginning to get frustrating now, I know I said this blog would be all about the building process and showing the house grow up. Sadly nothing has happened so there has been nothing to blog about. So I will also be blogging about my weight loss and Snowdon Challenge, as well as the house.

So at the moment we have been working on getting the caravan up to snuff, so we are trying to insulate the place a little more. We have new rubber seals on the windows,which so far has made a MASSIVE difference. Not only with regards to warmth but also noise from the rain, wind or road. We got lucky, we hadn’t even thought about it but we stumbled across this stuff in Lidl. £1.78 for 8m of it, total bargain!!

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We have also bought new carpet, cheap from the end of roll left overs. We have also got on order some new fancy pants underlay that is apparently very good. So we are going to lay the underlay on top of what we have already (the lovely pink carpet) then the new stuff on top in the hope it helps to insulate the floor a little more.

We have bought some thermal lining for curtains to add and hopefully help the windows not loose as much heat. Along with thermal curtains to hang on the doors we have a new oil radiator to keep the room nice and snug at night.

Another big change is that we ripped out the dinning room seats and table to be replaced with a set of shelves for a pantry and a folding table to be my desk. This area is currently a lino flooring so we are going to put carpet down here and then a strip of lino to help insulate and update the kitchen floor.

I will post some pictures once we are done with the modifications and updates to the flooring. I think it will make a big difference. We have have also been improving the outside. As the weather has turned we have put a path in place as it was getting a tad muddy. Well we are mostly done with the path, it has just taken a lot longer than we thought. We also need to finish the decking walkway and steps up to the caravan and then we plan to clad the bottom of the caravan and insulate that too.

We are trying to work as much as possible in the evenings and weekends to get bits done while still splitting our time between the caravan and our house while we wait for that to sell.