Frustrations….

I last posted here on the 19th of April…..that is over 2 months since the last update…this might give you a hint that there are no real updates!

There is, however, a list of current frustrations I am trying to work through….

Frustration 1:

House progress is still non existent! Okay to be fair the builder has been on site to discuss the first step and he has levelled the road to form what will be our new driveway, but that was over a week ago. Since then there has been no sign of him, I think it is due to finding more people to help with the first step so it can be done more efficiently and more quickly.

However it is now the 21st of June and we still have a field!! The hope of being water tight by winter is now becoming a pipe dream and not a realistic goal. This to me is so frustrating. I know it was my idea to live in a caravan and on the whole I am fine with it but it is hard. There is no kitchen to speak of. I HATE washing up and sadly Alan is not the tidiest of humans! Also we have now been living in the caravan nearly 7 months full time with 3 months before that being here most of the time. And still all we have is a field!

Frustrations 2:

Freelance work has become a challenge. I have had a really bad experience with a client wanting a lot of work for very little money and took the decision that it was not beneficial anymore. However the whole situation has massively knocked my confidence and being a sensitive fool I feel I am no longer good enough at what I do and therefore will yet again fail and shouldn’t bother! Though all those close to me have been very quick to point out my successes, it’s still hard to see past the negatives. Or at least for me it is!

I am trying to push through and work on new things but still manage to feel like it is pointless to bother. I have worked on a few wedding stationary designs and stuff as maybe that is something I could offer. Just wish I was better at putting myself out there more!

Frustration 3:

As I mentioned a little earlier caravan life isn’t easy and I probably complain about it far too much. It’s hard as Alan isn’t here much but I spend pretty much all day every day here. It’s beautiful when it’s sunny though boiling hot inside. It can be cosy when it’s wet but then rather cold inside. Alan has been amazing at sorting out an area outside for us to use as a garden. It is secure so Ivy dog can have some freedom and a lovely outdoor area to enjoy the lighter evenings.

However we are surrounded by very long grass and a large number of trees (pretty normal for the countryside) but when you suffer from hayfever it is a bastard! This year my hayfever has been on a whole new level! I know the pollen count has been high but I have never been this bad. My asthma has been lousy causing me issues breathing and there have been times that my eyes are so bad I can’t open them!

I love sneezing (it’s an amusing sensation) but waking up and doing it 10 times in a row is not the best way to welcome the day! Sadly the caravan is not the best place to be when the pollen is so high but it is beautiful and it is what we need to do to get our dream home!

Frustration 4:

We are lucky to have a beautiful family with a lot of them being close by. We are next door to Alan’s parents. 5 minutes from John and Sarah (Alan’s twin and his wife) 15 mins from Liz and Nath (Alan’s sister and partner) and about 45 minutes from my parents. However we are a long way from Alan’s other sister and her partner Stewart but even further from my brother, his wife and my gorgeous little nephew James. I was able to meet him not long after he was born but being so far away I feel I am missing a lot and wish I could be around to help more to support my brother and Alice in this amazing and scary new chapter. I find it so frustrating how hard it is to find the time and money to get down to see them and we are unable to have them visit us as we are in a caravan! But look how adorable he is!

 

So cute!!

Frustration 5:

Finance is a big thing for us at the moment. Obviously we are trying to save so we can build our house as best we can with all the added features we want. However this has not been easy for us. We are not the world’s best savers.

However for me the frustration comes from the fact that Alan is working his butt off for us. He works long hours in a physically draining job to help support himself, me and us and then try and save on top of that. Yes we are having it a bit easier now that we don’t have a house to pay for in terms of mortgage, council tax or general bills But I find it so hard that he is working so much to bring this in and I am doing nothing to help us.

Alan is a true gent and is 100% happy to financially support me and I love that about him but when we are trying to save so much as well I feel like I haven’t been doing my part

Especially now that I am struggling with my freelance work confidence etc. So I have been looking for part time work and have been lucky enough to find some flexible work that will help to bring in a little bit each month that can go towards savings and help me to feel I am actually a help and not a hindrance!

Frustration 6:

I have to start this one of by saying I love our dog massively I really do she is awesome but I feel like I have lost a lot since we had her. I know I know I was so desperate for one! She hasn’t coped well with being left on her own so it has made it difficult for me on a day to day basis. However she has been getting a bit better.

We have just had her spayed and that has meant I have been house bound (well caravan bound) for the last 3 days. I have done all her training. I do all the walking and feeding and poo picking up and making sure she is okay. Maybe I’m a bit of a helicopter mum but still it is a lot of responsibility and annoyingly if she needs the loo in the night it is me she will always wake up!

I love her to bits but it does make going away more expensive and going out a bit of a logistical nightmare. She is still super cute though even with the cone of shame!

Frustration 7:

I’m still fat!

Okay so that’s a bit harsh.

I have been signed up properly to weight watchers for 6 months now and go to meetings when I can. And I have lost a decent amount of weight but I still hate to see my reflection and feel gross all the time. This frustration is really with myself and my inability to have restraint, to eat healthy and not stuff my face with really bad food!!

I am still working on it though!

Frustration 8:

I have a massive inability to see the positives in anything. I seem to keep letting the depression get the better of me. I don’t know why.

I find it so hard to remember or accept just how loved I am by so many beautiful family members and the few friends I have. I forget that above all that I have Alan who would do anything for me. That loves me just they way I am when I find it so hard to see why. Someone who has been there for me through so much and really is the most amazing person I know.

I am lucky enough to have an amazing best friend who I may not see everyday but is always there and is always understanding. A beautiful lady inside and out who is gorgeous and doesn’t even know it. She means the world to me and I truly would be lost without her.

The two of them together keep me going and though I am a pain in the arse, a negative nelly and hopeless a lot of the time. They love me and pull me through and help me to see what is going on and the positives I seem so good at over looking!

I am aware of how wingy this post will sound and I don’t mean it to be. I know there are people in the world with far more shit to deal with. I also know that I am incredibly lucky to have the opportunity to build my dream home and try to build a business of my own and work for myself. I get that I am lucky to have the family network I do and the friends I have but there is a lot going on and my little head full of darkness can find it tough to see those things. I am striving to be better but who knows how long it might take for the clouds to clear fully and bring the glorious sunshine and blue sky everyone strives for!!

xx

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This is a little something I made for my bestie and it is definitely something I need to try and do too!!

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Sunny days!

It has again been a few weeks since last posted. Lots has been going on with some family in hospital and doing a but of catering assistance for Mum and Dad!

Ivy is getting on okay, she is starting to learn to ask to go out by waiting by the door and she is full of beans. She still doesn’t settle well when left but we are getting there.

Life has been busy though and adjusting to Ivy has been hard with me now getting up at 6am every day with her as that is when Alan wakes up for work.

The sun is finally out and I have been enjoying some time outside with Ivy who is not used to the heat!

They have been working on the canal recently which is currently being dredged and the trees have had a trim. Exciting to see how it will look from our new house!

Still not had any progress with the house as the ground is still so so wet. We were pleased for this warn weather as it needs a couple of weeks of good weather before we can get started but it is due to rain again next week!! The view from our bedroom is going to be amazing though!!

Any who, I will post a few more caravan updates this weekend as we are finally able to start working on the next phase of external bits to get our garden style bit sorted and useable 🙂

It’s been a while….

….since I posted on here. Lots has happened and changed.

First off we have a puppy!!! She is super cute and fluffy but likes to pee and poo….a lot!

Sadly when we first got her it was pretty clear she had fleas, which she must have had from where she was living due to the size of them. We quickly got that treated and cleaned the caravan to prevent their return…..we hope!

Here she is the day we got her…

She didn’t settle well at night to start with and we had 3 days of very little sleep and I was at the stage of giving up!

This was when we then found the fleas so we took her to the vets a day early and turns out we were better off leaving her in her crate in a different room and just ignoring her crying…..we are slowly getting there but she does bark to start with but does eventually settle.

Need to do a bit more training to get her used to her crate but she is sitting and can lay down and is very playful!

It’s been hard to get work done and I am exhausted and doing all this training and making sure she is okay and well behaved which has been hard. Fingers crossed we can get some more training done together!

Here are a few more pictures of the little munchkin!

Small Progress!

WE HAVE SOLD OUR HOUSE!! Now I know we have been talking about it for ages, as we accepted an offer a long time ago BUT we have completed, handed over the keys are had the money through so the house is officially gone!!

Here is our Ivy looking a little cleaner and tidier than ever!

It was sad to see her go but both Alan and I have not really felt much once gone. We both figured we would be really upset but neither of us are, well I am little but no where near as much as I thought I would be.

I think the gradual transition to the caravan has helped, and the fact we had been living primarily in the caravan helped. This along with the fact that the house became a bit of a burden.

Today I have been enjoying a gloriously sunny day looking at where we will soon see the starts of a house, our house!

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I can’t wait to see this plot slowly grown and become the house we have been planning and thinking about for the last year.

We have also been making small final improvements to the caravan like some new flooring in the kitchen;

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Fingers crossed it will be a tiny bit warmer. Then I have also planted up some bulbs in pots to make the entrance to the caravan a little more homely.

We also now have a home for our gnome so we don’t keep tripping over him inside! Though they are only little changes they make a big difference to life in such a small space after our house! I am loving seeing all the birds feeding on the bird feeder we were kindly given by my in-laws last year, so many beautiful birds feeding until the big jackdaws turn up, or the occasional squirrel.

I am also following Weight Watchers at the moment which has been a big success so far. Thanks to some encouragement from my best friend, Amy, I have started going to the meetings and in the last 2 weeks I have lost 7.5lb and have my 3 week weigh in tonight so fingers crossed for that!

Just a few of the meals I have cooked, including the Steak dinner we had for Valentines!!

The other benefit to being in the Caravan now and this being home is the lovely area we are in and the fact that I can just pop out and walk down the canal for a bit of fresh air and exercise. And I mean, look how pretty it is!

I love it, I also love how quiet it is and private it is, even more beneficial when it is cold and I end up going out in this….

It is the most comfortable jumper I have had in a long time but I mean look at the picture on the front!! Don’t get me wrong I LOVE the Harry Potter books but this is just ludicrous!! My husband thought it was amusing, I find it embarrassing so I am glad there are few people around when on my walks! Fingers crossed I will be joined by a lovely Dog on my walks! It will be very lovely to have some company on the walks and while I work so watch this space!

 

 

Fake Aways

So Alan and I love a take-away, though when you are a giant whale needing to loose weight take-aways are not your friend!

In a bid to be healthier and also help save a bit of money, I came up with the idea of doing a Fake-away instead. This means if we fancy pizza we get shop bought pizzas or do home made pizzas.

This came from a weekend when we didn’t have anything for tea and neither of us wanted to cook but we couldn’t afford to be naughty. So we went to Morrison’s and found their Chinese ready meals. Normally I am well fussy with these things, but since finding I like sweet and sour chicken (I went off it as a Kid and never ate it) there are more options for me. Anyway, in Morrison’s you can get two mains and 2 sides for £7. So 2 rice and a main each is a LOT cheaper than anywhere else! We added duck spring rolls and some Prawn crackers bringing the bill to £10 for a very very lovely dinner. Saving ourselves at least £20.

Now I am not foolish enough to think these meals are exactly healthy but they are a lot healthier that the takeaways as they are not cooked in anywhere near as much grease. Homemade pizzas are definitely better than shop bought ones but they are also a lot better than a pizza from Domino’s etc.

If you want to be even healthier you can use Fajita wraps as the pizza base, they are quick and easy, taking only 10 minutes in the oven. I tend to get the Sainsbury’s own pizza topping sauce, or I cheat and use any kind of pasta sauce instead!

Top it with peppers, bacon (from Medalions), sweetcorn, be good to yourself Mozzarella and a bit of grated cheese and you have yourself a nice and easy pizza.

We haven’t figured out the curry version of a fake-away as I have no idea how to cook them and the ready-meals you can get are still pretty bad but no where near as horrendous as when you eat out. especially when it is a Korma which is full of cream!! It’s a shame really as it is probably our favourite!

Anyway, my idea is to do Fake-Away Fridays when I take the cuisine we would normally order in and find a cheaper and healthier substitute that is still satisfying and tasty. This will hopefully save us a bit of cash and make a good impact on the food we eat.

Goodbye 2017….

Well I have reached the end of 2017 and nothing much has changed. All my plans to get healthy and fit have been unachieved. Standard. 

I have reasons and most of them excuses. But some great developments. Our house has sold, well almost, we are hoping to complete over the next few weeks so we have started the moving out process. 

Having been away over Christmas we came home, hired a van and managed to pack most of our stuff and some bits of furniture up in the first step towards moving out. A busy day but worth it. The caravan is getting more sorted and starting to feel more like home with more of our stuff and some new carpet down which I did myself. That really was a challenge! 

Here are some pictures of that process!

So this was just the underlay down, we found a really thin but super insulating underlay for the caravan as warmth was key! A slightly odd texture but has been amazing.

As you can see our new carpet is a slightly nicer colour than the pink. The other thing I discovered was that the pink carpet was laid straight on to the wooden floor of the caravan so this added insulation and carpet layers are bound to make a difference. 

I was really pleased with the results. I mean don’t get me wrong it’s not perfect, far from it in places but it has made a huge huge difference. 

We have also done the hallway and the spare room and once we are fully sorted and settled I will post some pictures of that too. 

Alan has also done an awesome job outside the caravan helping to box in the caravan and protect it from the wind! And sort the steps out. Again when we are done I will get some pictures posted. 

It all feels more real now, seeing as we have emptied a few rooms in Ivy and once the house has gone through we will start to see the new house go up and I can be posting bits about that exciting adventure! Which will be far more interesting 🙂

My health has been pretty dodgy this year, so I am hoping that in the new year I can make some changes to improve that. Starting with loosing weight and getting a bit fitter and hopefully happier 🙂 

We have had some fun times recently though with the lovely snow and adventure of getting stuck in the snow and ending up staying in a random hotel for the night. 

This was us stranded in stokenchurch, a pretty little place with a lovely little hotel. A little adventure after our trip down south! 

We also had some fun times in the snow with my parents and their dog Alfie! 

We have also had a lovely Christmas with lots of family including my Brother, his wife and their baby bump 🙂 

It’s been a manic and crazy last few months with lots of back and forth and being crazy busy. We are looking forward to a new year and a new chapter in our lives and hopefully finally starting the most exciting chapter so far!! 

Oh and Fingers crossed there will be a dog added to our little family soon too! I have been promised 🙂 

Feeling insanely lucky…

There are days when marriage is hard. There are days when I barely see Alan and there are days that I am a total nightmare and I forget just how lucky I am. 

Not only did I stumble across the best friend in the world or the best support for my madness when I met Alan but I found someone who loved me for Me! 

He is the kindest man I know with the biggest heart and the greatest work ethic. He always does all he can to help others and puts everyone else first.

He hates being complimented so this whole thing is going to make him all squirmy 🙂 

Yesterday Alan came home feeling pretty rough and full of the beginnings of a cold AKA man flu!! So I said I would grab some ginger and honey to make him a soothing hot drink (yes he sounds like a softy) but I decided to put together a man flu survival box 🙂 

With a variety of essentials.

So this is all the stuff crammed in a box (apart from the tissues they don’t fit!) 

Here’s a better view

So tissues both a box and packs. 

Fresh ginger, honey, strepsils, reeses pieces, Lindor Chocolates, antibacterial hand gel, olbas oil, some gingerbread biscuits, cold relief medication, Listerine mouth wash, vitamin C tablets and a mug 🙂 

Things like this are my way of showing him just how much he means to me and how much I love him and will always be there to help and do anything I can for him.

I am exceptionally lucky to have such a wonderful husband and life together with such an exciting future. 

Anyway hopefully this little box will help him feel better before the cold takes hold and hits him when he is working so so hard and I don’t like him feeling ill. 

Progress

This last week and weekend has been all about progress…..progress in many areas. Firstly we have moved forward with the sale of our house. Not just an offer now and things are moving in the right direction so fingers crossed nothing happens and it all goes through!! 


So as well as the house sale moving forward we have been making a bit more progress at the caravan! We have added a ‘skirt’ to our caravan (the great description Sarah gave it) basically we have added some cladding to the bottom of the caravan to help protect it from the wind. 

This was a good team effort with some help from Father-in-law and then Alan and I working as a team to get a lot of the boards in place. We still have some other sides to do but this was a good start!! 

The other thing we have been working on is the next step on the decking for access to the caravan. Since the weather has turned it has begun to get a tad muddy so it is needed now. Alan has been an absolute star today working on getting this all in place ready so we can add the decking next weekend and be one step closer to having proper steps 🙂 

Here is the progress so far! 

Okay so this isn’t quite how we ended the day. Alan worked well into the dark and there were 2 more concreted supports in those holes and 2 more cross supports as well. The mud was a lot more boggy by the end but Alan did an awesome job and bless him for working so hard on his only day off!! 

I shall add more updated pictures next weekend when we do more. We are dog sitting this week so apologies for the obscene amount of dog images that will appear!! 

I have also been working lots and trying to improve my watercolour painting and drawing here are a couple of examples but I have a few more to work on next week 🙂 

Buried Alive

Buried Alive….that is pretty much how I feel right now. 

This weekend was amazing a great family get together with food, fireworks and a great bonfire. It as a success. People had a good time and my food all went to plan. 

But I spent two days cooking. Lots of time preparing and I haven’t managed to catch my breath.

With that and lots of people needing lots from me and at every turn feeling like I am not good enough or doing a good job it is taking it’s toll. 

Everywhere I turn I am charging too much and being made to feel worthless. Trying my hardest to understand what someone means only to feel like I’m a frustrating when all I am trying to do is help. 

Don’t get me wrong I have clients I love working with. Those who share something of themselves with me. Those who are grateful when I go the extra mile. But still it comes back to people wanting it done for a cheap as can be making me feel like my knowledge and skill is worthless. 

None of this is helped by the fact that I have become rubbish at remembering to take my anti depressants making my mood and overall wellbeing all over the place and the fact that it is November and I don’t get to see my husband hardly at all! 

I am tired. I am lonely and I am feeling sorry for myself. All of which hinder any hope of weight loss or regaining control over my life!

I just can’t breath. But I WILL keep fighting!!

Torn in Two

The last few weeks have been rather tricky, there has been a lot of back and forth. We love being in the caravan, it is so much closer for Alan’s work and we have more time together so I will never complain.

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However we do have a house, a stone built, 4 walled, warm, sturdy house. One with a big kitchen, 2 showers and a very comfy sofa and soon we will be unable to say this is the case. So we need to be making the most of it and actually live in the house a little.

I am so torn!

Not only do we have a house we ought to be making the most of but also trying to live in two places at once is mad and starting to get a bit confusing and messy. Even just having the constant situation with food, making sure there is bits for Alan’s lunch and margarine and the basics. Milk for instance, even if we are there for one night it is nice to have milk for tea!

This is all made harder by the fact that I am the one that needs to pack the caravan up or pack the house up ready to move from one to the other. That means thinking about my clothes, Alan’s clothes for work and at home, warm clothes, slippers, Alan’s xbox, my computer, the Now TV box +controller (I forgot it once which was not helpful) food, any kitchen bits. Any food left in the fridge, emptying the bin, making sure the washing up is done, ensuring the place is tidy and I have fuel.

Then doing all the same again a week later….I also have to make sure we have shower gel in both locations, toilet roll in both places, bin bags and sandwich bags in both homes, toothpaste wherever we are.

The biggest issue we have had is last night. So after Alan showered and we were about to get in to bed, like 11:30, I went to put my phone on charge….only to realise the one thing I has forgotten this time around was BOTH phone chargers.

My phone on 10%, Alan’s on 11%

Bugger!!

One of the main issues being that we rely on our phones to wake us up in the morning and Alan needed to be up at 5:30. So at 11:30 last night we were hunting round the house for any spare chargers or cables…….10 minutes later we were getting dressed and heading out to the 24hour Tesco in Wrexham (So glad we were at Ivy) to purchase 2 new chargers.

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Now we have chargers in both places….that stops that issue.

This weekend, is BONFIRE NIGHT!! Very exciting as we are having a family party with food, fun and fireworks. I will share some pictures next week. Alan is excited, apparently it is very grown up to be able to buy fireworks and actually light them!! Here is my trial run of Cupcakes!

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